3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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