Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
