he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
