garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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