I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
