I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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