you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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