I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
