seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
