Can Purell be used as lube?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
