New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
