i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
