She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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