Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
