You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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