i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
