you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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