i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
