So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
