Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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