So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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