Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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