No subtext here. People are naked.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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