your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We named our party play list daddy issues
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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