Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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