They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
