Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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