he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
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