do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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