I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
