Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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