Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
