yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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