I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
