it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
