I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
