I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
