Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
