loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it because I queefed?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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