I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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