my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
