Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
