and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
