Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
