Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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