The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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