if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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