If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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