i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
