I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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