she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
