so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
