I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
