FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
