Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
