my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
