"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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