I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
