I think i peed on brittanys purse
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
