I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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