Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
