when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
