When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
