Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...