I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.