My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
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Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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