Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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