Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.

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(352): So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated. http://tfl.nu/ef34

Replies (12) Good night (3165) Bad night (692)
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(210): View more from Texas

i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.

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(210): i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home. http://tfl.nu/eggw

Replies (3) Good night (647) Bad night (2962)
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(310): View more from California

This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.

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(310): This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/e7vz

Replies (17) Good night (894) Bad night (4264)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.

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(773): Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket. http://tfl.nu/bfmy

Replies (22) Good night (4040) Bad night (698)
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(757): View more from Virginia

sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...

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(757): sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying... http://tfl.nu/9slh

Replies (46) Good night (8896) Bad night (823)
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(989): View more from Michigan

there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.

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(989): there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked. http://tfl.nu/cvgr

Replies (5) Good night (4374) Bad night (1061)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day

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(603): Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day http://tfl.nu/sq9b

Replies (15) Good night (803) Bad night (1650)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!

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(604): Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now! http://tfl.nu/v05a

Replies (7) Good night (1548) Bad night (560)
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(+61): View more from Australia

The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger

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(+61): The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/x8sq

Replies (4) Good night (619) Bad night (1184)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.

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(717): We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes. http://tfl.nu/zq4p

Replies (5) Good night (2081) Bad night (662)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.

(828): View more from North Carolina

Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room

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(828): You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn. (828): Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room http://tfl.nu/vl43

Replies (2) Good night (1160) Bad night (348)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?

(1-601): View more from Mississippi

I'm coming right back.

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(601): Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell? (1-601): I'm coming right back. http://tfl.nu/the6

Replies (3) Good night (882) Bad night (376)
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(813): View more from Florida

Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"

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(813): Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one" http://tfl.nu/9qkk

Replies (1) Good night (650) Bad night (344)
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(917): View more from New York City

It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask

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(917): It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask http://tfl.nu/rcu9

Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (339)
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(240): View more from Maryland

I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.

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(240): I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab. http://tfl.nu/swde

Replies (3) Good night (303) Bad night (210)

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