this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?