No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....