Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel