we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
