I hate all girls vehemently.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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