Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
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