did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hippo gnu deer
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
